Stuck in a not so great relationship cycle? Follow these 5 steps.
Are you arguing with your partner all the time? Or, maybe you’re too afraid to approach the problem. Or, you keep asking for attention, to find you’re not getting your needs met.
Most relationships fit one of three types: Which one are you?
- The Knockdown Drag Down. You’re in a constant battle.
- Passing Ships in the Night. You’re coasting, and your relationship has lost its zest.
- Pursuer-Avoider. You find yourself constantly trying make things work, while your partner is avoiding.
Relationship types don’t define you. Rather, they define you and your partner’s way of relating to each other – the dance that you do with one another. The good news is that you can change your way of relating without changing you.
Do these 5 steps, by yourself, to positively impact your relationship.
- List the Problems – Sit and write a quick list of the top 3 problems that bother you. Try not to list more. The others may magically go away, once you master the main three.
- Stay Focused – Pick one problem, at a time, to tackle. For instance, one problem may be “we argue too much.”
- Own your Part – List ways that you might contribute to the problem. For instance, “I yell back.”
- Take Action – How can you respond better? Now that you’ve owned your part of “I yell back.” Your action step might be to say, “I’m angry right now; this isn’t a good time to talk.” Or, some variation.
- Follow-Up – Successful relationships turn towards each other, as opposed to avoiding or yelling. So, in the just mentioned example, let your partner know you’d like to follow-up with the conversation, when you are both able to talk reasonably.
Have an idea of a blog you’d like to read about, Write Me. Sending my best to you, Dr Constance DelGiudice.
Note: Keep in mind the above has no application in a violent and/or abusive relationship. If you find yourself in a case of Domestic Abuse. Seek help.