Stuck in a Not So Great Relationship Cycle?

Stuck in a not-so-great relationship cycle? For a quick tip, try these five steps. Are you arguing with your partner all the time? Or, maybe you are too afraid to approach the problem. Or, you're asking for attention to find you are not getting your needs met.

Most relationships fit one of three types: which one are you? 

• The Knockdown Drag Down. You are in a constant battle. 
• Passing Ships in the Night. You are coasting, and your relationship has lost its zest. 
• Pursuer-Avoider. You find yourself constantly trying to make things work while your partner is avoiding.

Relationship types don't define you. Instead, they describe you and your partner's way of relating to each other - the dance you do with one another. The good news is that you can change the way you relate without changing you.

Try these five steps on your own or with your partner to positively impact your relationship.

1. List the problems. Sit and write a quick list of the top three issues that bother you. Try not to list more. The others may magically go away once you master the main three. 
2. Stayed focused. Pick one problem at a time to tackle. For instance, one problem may be that we argue too much.
3. Own your part. List ways that you might contribute to the problem. For instance, "I yell back." This doesn't mean you're taking full responsibility. You're just taking hold of any part you might be able to make a positive impact. 
4. Take action. How can you respond in a way you're proud of? Now that you've owned your part of, "I yell back." Your action step might be to say, "I am angry right now; this isn't a good time to talk," or some unique personalized variation.
5. Make yourself proud. Successful relationships turn towards each other as opposed to avoiding. So, in the just mentioned example, let your partner know you'd like to follow up with the conversation when you are both able to talk reasonably. In any other case, make yourself proud just means to stay plugged into your action step by offering compassion either to yourself or your partner. In short, it means to take kind and loving actions, but to remain true to yourself and create boundaries. 

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​With lots of care,
~Constance